I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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