Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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