he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
