she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
