ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
