I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
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I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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