Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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