I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
