i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
me + whiskey = a bad person
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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