If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
