So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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