Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(937): View more from Ohio

I'll bet she douches with gravy.

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(937): I'll bet she douches with gravy. http://tfl.nu/j4az

Replies (6) Good night (643) Bad night (3144)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.

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(918): I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did. http://tfl.nu/i39w

Replies (13) Good night (2993) Bad night (1334)
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(773): View more from Illinois

omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...

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(773): omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this... http://tfl.nu/ilg0

Replies (42) Good night (987) Bad night (6418)
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(830): View more from Texas

I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter

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(830): I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter http://tfl.nu/xpn7

Replies (33) Good night (6414) Bad night (1830)
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(323): View more from California

Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.

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(323): Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy. http://tfl.nu/58l0

Replies (6) Good night (3517) Bad night (771)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.

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(202): He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster. http://tfl.nu/s5i4

Replies (12) Good night (821) Bad night (2128)
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(205): View more from Alabama

In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.

(205): View more from Alabama

But happy liver failure. That's what counts.

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(205): In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure. (205): But happy liver failure. That's what counts. http://tfl.nu/m2wy

Replies (3) Good night (1529) Bad night (649)
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(785): View more from Kansas

You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.

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(785): You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark. http://tfl.nu/p2c2

Replies (18) Good night (1349) Bad night (596)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

... I threw up in the shower this morning

(406): View more from Montana

You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.

(307): View more from Wyoming

I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.

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(307): ... I threw up in the shower this morning (406): You were "I'm not drunk" drunk. (307): I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time. http://tfl.nu/80b5

Replies (1) Good night (621) Bad night (841)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!

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(918): You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner! http://tfl.nu/v9u1

Replies (3) Good night (645) Bad night (410)
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(540): View more from Virginia

Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.

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(540): Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot. http://tfl.nu/omko

Replies (8) Good night (1731) Bad night (371)
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(315): View more from New York

Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.

(1-315): View more from New York

Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha

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(315): Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe. (1-315): Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha http://tfl.nu/f49v

Replies (2) Good night (414) Bad night (565)
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(713): View more from Texas

it is shots o' clock and I am never late

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(713): it is shots o' clock and I am never late http://tfl.nu/psyc

Replies (4) Good night (745) Bad night (234)
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(360): View more from Washington

I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.

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(360): I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this. http://tfl.nu/75ao

Replies (4) Good night (295) Bad night (465)
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(516): View more from New York

I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.

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(516): I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life. http://tfl.nu/l6bp

Replies (0) Good night (461) Bad night (228)

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