I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
