i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
A bitchslap is in order.
where are my eyebrows?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
