I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains