two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
so he's a sleeptalker.
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.