oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.