dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
