ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
