And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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