he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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