He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
