Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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