My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
