go do what you do best...puke behind churches
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
