the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
