Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
