i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
