Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
