honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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