please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
