time to smoke my breakfast
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
