i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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