Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
