The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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