Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
