All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
