Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
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I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
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All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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