I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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