Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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