well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
