Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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