I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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