i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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