so let's talk penis.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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