Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
