i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
