You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
