The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
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