He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
