this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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