Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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