So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
