the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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