I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He passed out mid-signature
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
