Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
