i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i came on her dog
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
