When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
