I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
