now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
