Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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