wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
