Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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