you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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