when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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