last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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