Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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