You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
